Tết and the arcade

After another intermittent period with no internet, we are back up and running. I spent the weekend in Hoi An with my two roommates (the only other volunteers) and a few people from the Tam Ky placement. It rained the entire time but we enjoyed ourselves and met a lot of fun and interesting people. Hoi An is a good place to go for a few days to get away from Da Nang, but I prefer being at placement. We met some American doctors and med students living in Vietnam for six months (spending the next two weeks in Da Nang) working in different hospitals, so that was great.

We visited the Hoi An orphanage this morning with is unfortunately incredibly corrupt. They aren't connected with any specific volunteer agency like GVN, but they receive a great deal of money from tourists and some private sponsors. One child in the room we visited was tied to the bed even though she is not able to walk. I'm glad we visited, but I really wish I had more time to actually spend there. Some of our placements are pretty bad, but they always have volunteers coming into work so it is very different. It was really sad visiting. It just reminded me how much work there is to be done and how impossible it is to change anything in a month with little to no knowledge of the language. I would like to spend more time there when I come back next. 

We came  back from Hoi An in the early afternoon because we decided to take the older kids from Social Support who go to school shopping for some new clothes for Tết and for some fun at the arcade. Its funny, the only fast food restaurant that has made it to Vietnam is KFC...we took them for dinner there which is more or less gourmet food to them and then went for ice cream. We brought nine children who were incredibly rowdy after soda and ice cream.....

It was amazing how excited all of the kids were all night. They really didn't know what to do with themselves. I thought that they would want to spend most of their time in the arcade, but we ended up spending most of the time (2+ hours) shopping for clothes. I think it was pretty overwhelming for them. Each kid got about 2 new outfits and shoes or a hat and they were ecstatic. Its amazing how far a little bit can go here and how much the kids appreciate everything they get.

On a less happy note, Hoi is sick. I think we will need to take him to the hospital tomorrow. I saw the physio Mr.Phouc on Saturday in Hoi An and he told me that Hoi was getting worse and asked if I would go to the hospital with them on Monday if he still was not well. I went in to check on him tonight before taking the older kids out and he was hot and upset and painfully sensitive. He usually loves having his head rubbed, but he cried every time I touched him, and when I picked him up he clung to me because I think his head was hurting him so much. It makes me really nervous and upset that I am leaving on Friday. I really wish I could extend my stay. I looked into staying a few days more, but the cost of changing the flight is almost as much as I fund-raised to be here. I miss my family a lot and look forward to seeing them, but aside from that I am really happy here and really like the people I have met and am working with. I know that we could get a lot done if I have even one more month. I actually feel like I could live in Da Nang and be happy here for a long time.

I really never have felt the way that I do now. The thing is, its not at all what I expected. Everything is starting to feel very natural. The different placements aren't overwhelming in the same way. I look so forward to seeing literally every one of the children. Some, such as Dinh and Toi, are particularly special to me, but I am so at ease and confident and comfortable with them. Its amazing how much this place has done for me. I never would have believed that we have the potential to change our entire spectrum of how we view ourselves and the world around us in just a month. I couldn't imagine how inspirational an 8 year old boy who is vision impaired and living with severe CP could be. I never thought that I could be courageous enough to leave my comfort zone and travel 10,000+ miles away from my family.

But now it all feels natural. 3 short weeks later and I feel comfortable in the world. I know that this is just how I feel right now. Maybe tomorrow I will feel the scary sense of helplessness again, but right now I feel calm. I also feel tired and I am sick of being bitten by mosquito's (or mossies as my Australian roommates call them- I will NOT pick up that abbreviation), but that is what sleep and mosquito nets are for. I really want to travel more. I want to come back for a few months and spend most of my time here but also see Cambodia and Thailand and Laos. My friend Olivia has traveled all over Asia (and Europe, too). Its amazing how accessible Asia is for Australians.

On a totally random note- I didn't realize how few people lived in New Zealand. More New Zealanders live in Australia than in New Zealand. There are four sheep for every person there. 4 sheep! I don't know...I think that that is really funny. There are so many people in the US!

Ok, I am going to go to bed now as I have lost all of my ability to actually follow through with a thought. I've started like 3 different conversations with my roommate and then stopped talking and spaced out. Time to sleep. The pictures are from the Pagoda, Hoi An and Social Support. I'm hoping that Hoi is well enough tomorrow to try out his new chair before going to the Doctor. We will see.

lots and lots of babies

Our power is back on and I am able to access my blog again! For the last few days, most blogs were available only in re-only format and none of us could add anything. The government blocks a lot of websites here, but we have managed to get back on!

After 2 weeks of feeling sick, I finally decided to take my antibiotics this morning and I already feel like a new person. Some of the other volunteers are coming down with colds and I think it was just impossible to avoid especially since many of the babies at our placements have been ill.

We've had a busy last few days. The house was full as the volunteers from all three Vietnam placements were here for orientation, but they separated between Tam Ky, Tuy Hua and Da Nang and now there are only 5 of us left here, two of whom will be leaving tomorrow. The two remaining girls are from Australia and one will be here through the end of the month and the other will be leaving just after me. We are understaffed and may have to cut out some of our placements. Hopefully we can work around that.

On Tuesday we had new volunteer orientation and I went to social support in the afternoon to check on baby Hoi who was sick on Monday. He was doing better and his fever had broken, but the rest of the children in the baby disabled room had all picked up a cough. If they are not well by tomorrow I'd like to get some of them into the doctor. The nurse mothers there work so hard; constant care with little resources and no breaks. Dinh was very excited to meet the new volunteers and all of them were smitten with her. All of the babies in the disabled room are really lovely- happy and sweet and totally eager for love and attention.

We spent Wednesday at the Pagoda. A 3 month old baby was left there on Tuesday so I spent most of the day with her. She does not have a name and we spent most of the time bathing her and checking her out to make sure everything was OK. Her mother had obviously been breast feeding her before leaving her so she will have to be immediately weaned. The Pagoda is a good orphanage with many resources and they care very well for the children. The only down side is that babies left at the Pagoda can not be adopted. They are kept there until they are 18 and then they have the choice of either becoming a monk or leaving. They get a good education with private English classes, good vegetarian food and are cared after, but they wont be adopted. It is bitter sweet. They are the best cared for orphans, that is for sure, and so many babies don't get adopted and grow up in orphanages and social support centers without any chances for education. We teach English at the Pagoda and they are the most eager and hard working students because of the emphasis for education that is put on them. Wednesday night we went out for a few drinks with Mr.Phouc (the physiotherapist) and Mr. T ( our placement manager) since Mr. Phouc will be in Tam Ky for the rest of the week and Rebecca and Melissa won't see him again. We were planning on seeing a movie afterwards but were all too tired and ended up falling asleep early.

Today I got to go back to AOV 1 (older Agent Orange victims) and AOV 2 (the baby orphanage- the babies don't have AO, but the much older kids in the center downstairs do.) I taught English this morning to an amazing class of severely disabled students ranging in age from about 10-35. We do the same thing every week- alphabet and numbers. Some of them remember and some of them don't, but they all love being in the classroom and are always excited to come up for one on one at the board. Its hard accepting how these kids live. There really isn't anything more that I can do for these kids- their conditions aren't operable and no amount of money will remove what they have. I can spend more time with them and continue to teach them and help them find sponsoring so that they can have more opportunities to grow, but there condition permanent. I've had that similar realization a lot this week. When you walk into the placements the first few times, all you want to do is change everything and give the kids and other residents the best possible life, but the truth of it is that this time I am only here for a month and I only have so many resources. What we are doing is coming in and doing everything we can to make them happy and safe and comfortable for the time we are here and try to set them up with some routine or some materials so that when we leave they can continue in the right direction, but once we are gone we have to depend on someone else to ensure that all is going right. Again, I want more time. After English class we did some drawing and played for a good while. All of the children love cameras, so the moment you take one out they are all prying for a turn and run around taking pictures of every little thing. I really love AOV 1. The feeling of total depression and helplessness I had the first time I visited has gone. It still is very sad, and I am still regularly overwhelmed at the severity of these children's disabilities, but I also love them and enjoy hanging out with them and I know they enjoy having us come, too. I also want to help them and I feel like every time I come back, and when I finally return as a doctor, I will really be able to improve their lives in some way. They have all certainly changed me. I often wonder how aware these children are of their condition. They experience change all the time. GVN brings in new volunteers every two weeks and some of these people regularly experience abandonment. Its hard to communicate with them but there are some whom I have developed really special relationships and I hope it does not feel like abandonment when I leave next week. I will come back again soon.

I spent the afternoon with dozens of babies. We got there at nap time, so I spent the majority of placement bouncing one child on my lap and one in my arms until they fell asleep and then moving onto the next couple. I really love the baby orphanage, also. Another almost one year is old being adopted next week. The nice thing about the baby orphanage is that most of the babies are adopted, whereas our other placements are either severely disabled kids, ones abandoned later in life, or ones who were never adopted. It seems that there is a case of conjunctivitis going around in the baby orphanage. Either that or the babies are getting stung in the eye by mosquitoes. I think one of the things I will do is buy mosquito nets for all of the cribs. They are really bad this year and all the babies have bites all over them. I sleep fully covered under a mosquito net with bug spray everywhere and I still get eaten alive every night. There are 4 'mothers' who care for all the babies and they are very old, very tired, and very poor. Most of them are brought in from the mountains because people who live in Da Nang will not work for the little amount of money offered to the caregivers. Hard working women. They also speak no English, so all communication is done with hand signs and broken Vietnamese. I could never even really imagine what an orphanage would be like until now. The babies develop later then the ones I am used to because they have so little one-on-one. They are used to falling asleep in cribs or on bamboo matts, so when we rock them to sleep the go down almost instantly. During sleep time there are like 15 babies all spread out on one big bamboo matt. Its scary when they get sick because it is impossible for any of them to stay healthy since they are so close to each other all the time. I wish I could bring them all back to America. I will definitely be adopting at some point in my life. Its truly eye opening to see how many abandoned children there are. It really is the kind of the thing that didn't really hit me until I experienced it. Hopefully the babies will be adopted more quickly now that Vietnam has signed the Hague.

Tonight we went out for Pho. I have had a really hard time with the food here and have been getting sick to my stomach almost instantly after eating most traditional Vietnamese meals, and today was not any different. Luckily, they have very good French bread and yummy fruit. After dinner we went to Social Support where Melissa and Rebecca had a party with their English class and I spent some time with the babies in the disabled room. Dinh has a bad cold and a bit of a fever but was still happy as ever. Hoi is still sick and has what appears to be a nasty ear infection. I think it may be time to get a doctor in to look at them. Ha Mei was sleeping, but obviously had a cold, and both Tam and Truc were not well either. There immune systems are already so compromised, so it is really scary when they all get sick. We'll see how they are doing in the morning and go from there. Older Tam is doing okay but needs someone who can come and see him more regularly for physical therapy. His muscles are too short and he is having spasms more often. Its really hard for him because he is very with it mentally and he wants to be able to be more physically independent. I think our physiotherapist is going to train one of the interns so that they can come in maybe ever day and work with him. The interns all live in Da Nang and are Vietnamese students. After social we took the interns to bowling and had a great time. Kerry and Giang met us and Kerry has taken on 4 kittens.....They are to be adopted, but will all be living with her for some time. Kerry rescuing animals- no surprise there. Tomorrow we will go back to social and then take Mel and Bec to the airport- very sad.

Its been an interesting week. I feel like I am finally getting in the flow of everything and its really upsetting to think of leaving next week. The first few weeks were such a roller coaster with everything making me so sad while amazed at the same time. Its taken me a while to feel awake and alert and actually wrap my head around what I see every day. It really is like nothing I have ever seen. I hope that I never stop feeling overwhelmed. I wake up every morning so excited and I don't know that I have ever been happier than I am when I am at placement. When I am hanging around the volunteer house or out shopping, I have time to be homesick and I miss everyone, but I am so full of emotion and overwhelmed with different feelings when I am at placement that I just don't have room to think of anything else.

Being here is the single most gratifying, useful and educational thing I have ever done in my life.

I have learned more about the world and the people in it then I ever realized there was to learn. My priorities and my sense of self has been brought up to speed with the majority of the world and I look forward to exploring more.

Right now all I can do is be here, and I am, and the minute I get home I will start planning my next trip. I am awake and I am in love and can't get enough of these sweet people.

I really feel whole. It feels awesome.

Lots of pictures today as I haven't been able to update all week. I will write again soon.