Happy Christmas

I am thankful.

It’s taken me a long time to realize just how thankful I am. Yesterday I went to the social support center. Everywhere I go is my favorite place. First I loved the pagoda, and then I love the AOV, and now I love social support.

I cried a lot yesterday. I started crying almost the minute I stepped foot out of the van. Right when I got out a girl whose age I do not know came stumbling over to me. She has a disability that effects her coordination and she has a hard time walking without falling over. She took my hand and we walked. We walked all around social support stopping to say xin chào (hello) or pick up sticks. Her grip was strong and she used me a crutch so that she could move freely without falling over. We didn't talk except when greeting other people and there's something grounding and real about walking around in the heat silently.

I walk with ease. She doesn't, but with support she can. I am thankful that I can walk.

After I spent some time with her I went with the other volunteers to brush teeth. The only time the children at social support have their teeth brushed is when GVN comes. Their gums and teeth are horrible and they bled but did not protest. Most of the children (and adults) here are very disabled.

My next place was the baby room. This was where I really started crying. This room is also where the physiotherapy is. I met a baby named Hoi. He has too much water in his brain preventing him from developing and the surgery in Vietnam is too dangerous. The surgery in the states would not be- he could get better in America. You touch his head or rub his belly or sing to him and he lights up. He is present, but cannot develop. His eyes roll back with pleasure when you give him attention. He made me so sad. I want to help this baby. The GVN Da Nang manager, Mr.T, told me his story and I just couldn't hold it together. I want to hold him all the time and I want to give him a better life. He deserves a good life. They all deserve a good life. I feel overwhelmed with emotion all the time here. I want more hands and more money and more time to give to these people. I want more ideas of how I can help. I want to get over my overwhelming feelings so I can figure out with a clear brain what to do for them. I feel like a young stupid white person sometimes when I cry. I want to put that energy into getting more for them, but sometimes I am too vulnerable and have to let myself feel broken.

I want to give money to the physiotherapy program and I want to go to social support every day to assist with it. The babies and big kids in physiotherapy could get so much stronger if they had it more often. There is a 27-year-old man named Tam who has severe CP. I think we could get him splints for his hands to retrain the muscles to move out of the cramped position they are in. He is so smart. His English is getting so goodwill be tutoring him while I am here. He laughs and jokes with me and is thrilled to learn. He is inspiring. He wants to be more independent but is in a wheel chair. He can roll himself around but can't walk or sit up without support. He can't roll himself around outside because he would get hurt, so he has a big cart he sits on that we push him around in. He will teach me more than I can ever teach him. He loves music. I will get him a radio or a walk man or something that he can have as his to give him music. He wants to learn so badly. I've never seen anything like him. I've never seen anything like this at all, but I know I will again. I love this country and I love these people.

After physiotherapy was over we took the babies back to their cribs and brought Tam back out to the yard. I can't wait to go back there. I miss them. I don't know what I'm going to do when I have to come back to the states. I will finish school and come back to my wonderful babies in America and start planning my next trip back. I just want to finish school so that I can REALLY help these people. Baby steps.

We went back to volunteer house and I went for coffee and soda and mango smoothies with some of the interns, other volunteers, and the beautiful, wonderful, funny women who cook for us and keep up company in the house. They are so lovely. Giang hung out with me while Kerry visited with Santa to figure out Giang's Christmas. She is really something. Her heart might be as big as Kerry's. One of the volunteers who has been here for 5 months left yesterday which was very sad. He is from Arlington, goes to Northeastern, and will be applying to medical school in June. I would have liked to get to know him better, but am excited that we live close to each other.

In the afternoon we came to Hoi An where we are now and checked in to the hotel for a weekend away from GVN. We had a delicious dinner, which I fell asleep at and then were brought back to the hotel in a bike buggy.

Santa came to Hoi An last night and Giang was beside herself. She got roller-skates and barbies and books and much more. She is playing now while Kerry naps. This morning we took a cooking class at the Morning Glory Cooking School, which was my Christmas gift to Kerry. It was so much fun. We went to the market, which was a sensory overload to the nose but fun nonetheless, to learn how to shop for the dishes we made and got a great education about spices and fruits and fish etc. After the market we went back to the school and learned to makes spring rolls, mango salad, and a delicious barbecue chicken. We were afraid Giang would be bored and restless, but she was captivated (almost) the entire time. After cooking school we went to the beach. So beautiful. Kerry has a membership at a fancy hotel that offers a great deal for beach and pool access. I've never been anywhere like it. The South China Sea is magnificent. We're going back tomorrow for breakfast and a day at the beach before we head back to Da Nang.

Tonight we'll have dinner on the waterfront and I am sure retire very early.

I can feel myself growing here and it is electrifying. My thoughts and emotions are on fire and sometimes spastic. I feel dizzy with shocks of elation and depression at once; the sensation of laughing and crying and genuinely feeling both emotions.

It’s a special Christmas. I miss you, Mom and Dad.

I am thankful.

Tam

 Giang waits for Santa

 Santa came!