My mind is still racing, maybe more now than when I was away, as I think of and take in the last month. I am happy and motivated here and excited to start school and pleased with the presentation of the real goals I have for myself. The thought of med school seemed endless and daunting before but is much more exciting now that I've seen my potential patients. I am full of ideas and working on getting more people to come back with me next time. I want to show everyone (especially my peers) the other side of the world. I worried that I would feel helpless when I got back to the states, but thanks to modern technology I hardly ever feel disconnected.
I miss the kids. I miss those who I can not skype with. I am eager to get back. I am also still in shock by how life changing a month can be. Its funny because its not even necessarily in the way I thought it would be. To be honest, I didn't expect the actual people to impact me in the way that they did. Not to say I didn't think that they would effect me, but I literally can not stop thinking about the kids that I met. I remembered today how broken hearted I felt my first day at AOV and I remember wondering if I would ever stop feeling sad when I looked at them, but sad is not the emotion I experience when I think of them and remember them now- at least not in the same context it was before. Its amazing how we adjust to our surrounding so that we can act accordingly. If I continued to feel the same way I did on that first day then there would be no way that I could actually do anything positive for them because I would be too scared to take any initiative. I am grateful for that ability because I really look forward to the point in my life when I am able to help in a more substantial way.
Its been interesting being back in the states. I think I am having worse culture shock now then I did when I got to Vietnam. I know a lot of that has to do with how overwhelmed and excited I was when I got there and also the fact that I thought all the new exposure I was getting was so cool. But being back here, I am more aware of the luxuries I have been entitled to. The wealth and privilege of our country is apparent everywhere, and I took it all for granted. I am certainly aware of it now.
Right now I am sleepy and cold, but since I've been back I have been really, really happy. Happy in a way I haven't experienced before- it feels like my life is coming together and I feel a balance that is new and grounding. I feel satisfied while wanting more at the same time. I know that I am doing all that I can right now and that I have to keep working hard in order to get to where I want to be. I am in the opportune position to live the life I want to and be happily responsible for the decisions I make.
I can't help but feel lucky and grateful to all of the people that enabled me to get to Vietnam. There really is no way that I could have gone without the support network I have, and I promise you that this trip was the first of many I will take dedicated to service with the intent to make the world a better place. I really feel privileged to enjoy this work so much and it was so amazing meeting other people who share the same interests as me. I think traveling is one of the most important things we can do. Seeing other cultures and having an understanding for the rest of the world is educational in a truly unique way. I know that I have a lot more traveling to do and that what I have done is minuscule in ways but it was huge for me. I really mean when I say that it was life changing. I really do feel awake and like a part of my surroundings in a way I did not before. I love what this trip gave me and I love what I learned from the people I met. I miss everyone so much that it hurts, but I know that I will see them again and I know that the mindset I have now would not be possible if I hadn't come back and separated myself from the experience.
Since I am planning a trip back (as well as a trip to Haiti in March), I am going to keep blogging. I didn't think that I would when I got back, but I will use it as a forum to ask for advice about fund-raising, etc. as well as to communicate projects and ideas. Writing here has also helped me keep my mind clear over the last month or so. I had forgotten how much I liked to write.
I've attached some photos of Boston and my babies here for my friends in Vietnam. I really miss everyone so much and can't wait to see you again.
I need to say thank you again to everyone who has helped me (both financially and emotionally). Your help is something that I am endlessly appreciative of and I hope to do you proud.
I took the second picture!!!
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