Now I cry

Well I have held it together pretty well for the last few days, but now I am sitting alone in Ho Chi Min airport crying hysterically and clinging onto my stuffed animal elephant. I'm tired, overwhelmed, and full of excitement and sadness.

I miss home, but I miss Vietnam already. I miss my babies and my friends and the (awful) smell and almost getting hit by a motor bike 50 times a day. I'm so desperate to continue feeling the way I have here. I hope that the motivation and inspiration I have found here will help me move forward in the direction I want and put me to the place I ultimately belong. I feel like I keep saying the same thing but I mean it fully when I say that this trip has changed my life and will continue to do so.

I believe in everything I want to now and don't feel sad or disappointed about the realities I have come to. Does that make sense? I was so sad and so confronted my first few days here and I felt helpless and overwhelmed, but now I feel empowered and like with enough work I can actually change people's lives. We can all change people's lives. It just takes a little courage and a leap of faith. I have no excuse not to do everything I can to make sure that people have the same opportunities that I have. It just seems so obvious that the world would function better if we all contributed a little more. The thing is it really feels good. Being somewhere completely different feels really good. Yes, I hate fish sauce and am sick of the smell of urine and can't wait to sleep in a bed where the springs aren't judding rudely into my body, but if I could and if I didn't think school was so important I would stay here.

It feels like I just woke up. It feels like the whole last month has been a strange and sometimes scary dream that combined all of my fears and passions.

I love children. I want to work with them for the rest of my life. I want to help orphans and I want to help make sure that abandoned children receive the love and attention they need in order to have a chance in the world. I have wonderful, loving parents and I am lucky. There are so many children that do not have that. We don't see that in America. Well, not like we see it here.

I need to get back here soon. I am going to write everyone when I get back to fund raise. I'll write Ellen Degeneres. I'm serious, just you wait. I just want to get back here.

I know the world a little bit better now. I understand a little more. My eyes are open wider and my emotions are primed to ask the right questions. The world is bigger and braver than I ever could have imagined.

I want to be a doctor. I want that more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I could do so much. How can I explain that any differently? People need help.

I have taken my ativan and am sitting in my terminal waiting for my flight. I will write more from Narita about the last few days, but now I have to get on a plane. I will be on a plane for the next 24 hours. I hate flying.

Goodbye Vietnam, I'll be back soon. I am happy for, grateful to, and completely indebted to all of the people I met in the last month. You rocked my world and I love you for it.