Growing Up

We have had some troubles with the internet in Vietnam, so I haven't had a chance to write in a few days, and now it is 2011 here.

I've had an amazing last few days. I'm finally starting to feel better and looking forward to going back to Da Nang tomorrow and meeting the new volunteers. Tomorrow morning we are going to go to the orphanage in Hoi An and have a visit there.

Its a strange sensation how different Hoi An feels from Da Nang. I love Hoi An, but I love what I'm doing in Da Nang. Its nice to have both places.

I'm growing up. I can feel it in everything I do. I feel real, true direction in my life and I am excited to put it in place. I can't believe how quickly I have started feeling like myself here. Its hard to explain, but everything feels right. Helping people feels right. I like this side of the world and I like the people I've met, and while I miss home, I am productive and useful and just really happy.

Its a new year and it sure does feel like it. I think I have never necessarily felt confident enough in my self to believe that I could do the things that I want to, but suddenly that apprehension is gone and I feel realistically invincible. The prospect of medical school does not feel as scary because I have now seen where I can come when I am finished. I have actually been able to meet and work with the people who I want to eventually care for. I really have dreamed of doing something like this for so long, and I just want to travel the whole world now. There are so many people who need help. I have so much that I can give, and I never even realized it. I want to learn in a new and exciting way. I just think it is amazing that I can chose what I want to do with my life and if I work hard enough I can really make anything happen. I don't feel like anything else would feel right except for this. After spending just a week here and meeting these kids, I don't feel like I could ever be as useful and happy if I chose anything else.

I can integrate all of my passions together here. I can sing with the babies and care for the children and eventually I can be a medical advocate for them and I will be able to actually and really improve their lives. Its all overwhelming and I'm still not completely there.

Sometimes I feel like I'm standing back and watching myself. Its the dream sequence feeling. I've always wanted to be proud of myself and happy and feel like I could watch myself and enjoy what I was seeing, and I feel that way here. And its in a good way. Its a feeling of growing up. Its the feeling of figuring out what makes me happy and I just feel so lucky that what does has brought me here.

I feel gratefully obligated to service and to helping people who need it, and for that I feel truly lucky.

Now for a little update on the last few days.

On Thursday morning I ended up going to kindy, which is like kindergarten. We teach class rooms of about 20-25 adorable 3-4 year olds English and sing and play with them. It is so fun. I usually go to AOV, and will continue to go to AOV instead, but another volunteer wanted to switch as she had never gotten to go to AOV. The children in kindy have families but are very poor. They are so funny, when we do the alphabet they freak out laughing and giggling when we get to W because they don't have it in their alphabet. Its a very fun placement. After we were done teaching, the school threw us a little party for the new year and on the menu were these HUGE snails. Seriously. Mutant sized. I was too chicken to eat one. I've had a hard time adjusting to the smells and foods here, and that was just one thing I was not brave enough to try. The other girls did. Good for them. In the afternoon Kerry, Giang and I came to Hoi An where we will be until tomorrow afternoon. I basically slept the whole first day which was exactly what I needed to get better. We also spent some time with a really lovely family that Kerry knows. She met the mother because her son was in the same orphanage as Giang. She and her husband have adopted 2 children and now live in Tanzania. It was nice for Giang to have some kids to hang out with in Hoi An. I spent part of yesterday looking into the 'orphan ranger' positions, and I think I am going to go for it. !!! I'd like to come back to Vietnam but I also would like to go to Africa or Cambodia. We will see.

Last night was really fun. We were feeling really run down and tired and had to seriously rally to get out, but we ended up meeting up with some of the volunteers from Tam Ky and it so much fun. Earlier in the night K+G and I put candles in the river and made a wish, which is a tradition here. That felt good. I have a lot to be grateful for from last year and a lot to wish for in the new year. Kerry and Giang eventually got tired so I went with the other volunteers to a concert on the river where we rung in the new year. They are wonderful people. I was disappointed when the other volunteers from Da Nang decided to stay in Da Nang (its a lot to get away for a weekend sometime) so was very happy to meet new people. Its was also really nice talking about our experiences. Everyone I've talked to wants to come back or is a returning volunteer.

Today we spent the day by the ocean. January 1, 2011. That also felt like a dream. It was so beautiful and the perfect day. I am definitely happy not to be in the snow :-). I'm excited and nervous to visit the Hoi An orphanage tomorrow. GVN doesn't have a placement there but a lot of the other volunteers have been and it is supposedly pretty corrupt. I'm hoping that maybe we can find something to do to help. There is only so much the mothers can do when an orphanage is understaffed and underfunded. The mothers are the women who care for the orphans; the nurses. We'll see what they need and figure out what we can do. Tomorrow night we'll go back to Da Nang to greet the new volunteers.

Its nice not being scared of being alone with my thoughts. That sounds strange, but before a lot of times I just felt so overwhelmed that when I got to thinking too much I would just feel defeated, but I am so excited to think about everything I am going to be doing and I feel confident and eager to come back to school and work so that I can come back here soon. I think life is overwhelming at times, but that is not necessarily a bad thing.

Everything that is happening is exciting and I love it. Happy New Year.